Hehe it's been a good day today! Work went smoothly and I won an auction on ebay.. a Kath & Kim shirt for my collection! More good news is the friend I though i'd upset over removing their post.. turns out i was right they were just busy not upset at me and we had a great night together! Huge chat and lots of fun. I reunited some people in a chat room so it really was cool and nice to be with the old gang again! Yay! So today was good and i'm finally shaking off the flu! Things are getting better :) I guess yesterday was just one of those days but im back to the old tedster :) I'm thankful for the friends I do have and I should look on the positive side of things.  

Oh I so need someone to vent to.. yet I don't have anyone. I hate the fact the online community can read these ramblings but.. I need to get it out! I feel like I try my hardest to help people, to be a good person, to give not receive.. but there must be something wrong with me. I ask myself so often why I bother to come online, I don't know what it is but something pulls me here. I'm finding there isn't much left for me here anymore.. nothing.

My best friend had the choice.. and they walked away from me. It must be close to 4 years of friendship.. gone like that. I don't understand it but anyway I respect the decision and life moves on. But it's not easy. I was going through my email today and there was a heap from them and I read them one by one.. and they made me feel emotional. The words.. how I thought they felt about me as a person and how wrong i was.. how i was made to believe they felt. Maybe they did feel that but lost it in the end.. I don't know. all I know is I feel like i was used.. there for when they needed but what about when I needed? I went through my letters last night and read some they sent me.. everything said now feels foreign to me. Things like they would always be there for me, or forever etc well where are they now???? Didn't take them long to get sick of me. I want it all to go back to the way it was, happy. But I guess that will never happen because I can't forgive them for walking away and the pain that caused me. 

I lost another close friend and I still don't know to this day why. Surely if I did something wrong I have a right to know? You would think anyway. So many times I came close to asking why but then I thought why should I.. I did try messaging and got no responses.. so que sera sera.

Then another friend hasnt spoken to me in about a week. I guess I pissed them off too  I could be wrong here, I will ask tomorrow. I don't want to lose them but I was just doing my job as the site owner because I didnt want people to get offended by some content that was posted. They are probably just busy but we shall see.. I hope I didnt offend them

So in conclusion... it sucks to be online and I guess i'm trying to ween myself off the internet. I'm still lucky to have some really wonderful friends, one in particular who has kept in contact with me each day and makes me laugh so much. I thank them from the bottom of my heart cos the odd few have kept me here.. otherwise I wouldn't be weening myself off.. i'd be gone already.

Hello, and welcome to my journal! This is the very first entry I am making yay so I hope this works. My name is Kate and I am a 21 year old (Will be 22 on Saturday) year old student from Australia. I have a dog Tia and 2 cats Rex and Whiskers. Yeah so I have started off really boring haven't I with the standard bs you see in an everyday diary. Pity my life couldn't be more exciting *Rolls Eyes*. Thought it would be nice to start an online journal after seeing my mate toesy's journal. That's right .. techy toes! She always has some good ideas. I was thinking of posting this on my Darren Hayes site for everyone to read my random moaning and thought all of them might like to make one too and add the links to a page. How clever am I. Toes and I have this all devised so lets hope I can put it into action! *Cheers to my new diary* and Happy Australia Day everyone *Breaks open the Champaigne*... Can't think of anything else to write.. gah I am so tired. Bye for now, until next entry my loverlies.

*Hugs n stuff*

Tedster xx